Why Me?

Today is a chilled rainy day. But, it has been a good day for Symone and I. We went to the beauty salon this morning. After the salon we stopped by Applebee's for lunch. But, I can clearly remember when things were not so concise for us. Symone hopped from one daycare to another here in De Soto. We couldn't go to church as a family. We had to take turns. One Sunday I would go and the next Sunday my husband would go. But, I remember what her elementary school teacher told me. She said, "I know it's hard, but don't always leave her at home. Take her out with you as often as possible. And, don't be embarrassed if people stare when she acts up. Things will get better." One of the worst days of my life came when we got the grim diagnosis (Moderate Mental Retardation with a seizure disorder). Oh!...I was devastated. Though, somewhere deep inside, I already knew it. "A soft voice" spoke it to me many months earlier. But, this time someone said it out loud. I didn't even have the strength to go back to work. My ride home was a blur. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. I didn't understand...why me?

Shattered Dreams

I already had one daughter (5 years old). But, I really wanted another child. I loved being a mother. I had so much to give. I would plead with my husband for another child. He would say, "We can't afford another child, not right now...maybe later" Well five years later... I was expecting a baby! I was elated! The pregnancy went great! She was born December 24, 1990. What a wonderful Christmas present. A big beautiful 10 pound baby girl. She was perfect! Well, today she is 19 years old; and in the eyes of some she does not seem to be so perfect. At the age of 4 she was diagnosed with Moderate Mental Retardation and a seizure disorder; still, to me she is a gift. Although, it took me sometime to realize and accept her as a gift. And, she is a gift worth fighting for. So, after the confusion, denial, anger, and shattered dreams; I picked myself up off the floor. My baby needed me and she didn't need me in a dream world (denial).